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Day 604

Another day

I had every intention to be a better person today. But it gets to 11.45am and she has not appeared. I pop my head into her room for the third time. She is struggling with her hearing aid which is in just fine. Can I help her with it? ‘You have to be able to do this sort of basic thing on your own. You do it every day. There is no problem with the way you have put it in.’ I have opened the curtains. She has been sitting in the dark, her hair dishevelled and her face dejected. I stomp out, determined not to be hand cuffed to her by guilt and her bony need. She pulls at me but I do not let her hold on. She appears at 11.55am. We are supposed to be leaving for Tiggy Winkle’s for lunch. TW has made a huge effort to make lunch for us all. Ma is now refusing to go. I am annoyed but I see there is no point in her coming. No one is sorry that she is not there, although TiggyWinkle makes great play of it and says she will have us over another time.

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