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Day 317

At the end of my energy

He's whinging away on the other room right now. I've retreated because I can't take it anymore. Husband is in there with him, but he doesn't wake up for him. That's up to me, the light sleeper.
His whinges are starting to get distressed but I can't bring myself to go through yet. I'm so worn out. I'm fed up. I'm resentful of both him and my sleeping husband. I'm hoping he disturbs his sleep, as vindictive and nasty as that is.
I pick him up, he falls asleep within my arms in minutes. I put him down, he's getting upset instantaneously. It can't be like this, baby. I can't sleep with you next to me. You're too small, it's not safe. But what do you care about it all. You're upset and know what you want. It's so be close to someone with a heartbeat and warm skin.
I don't want to co sleep when he's big enough. I want to keep my bed for me and my husband. We've spent enough time apart in our relationship as it is without having to separate at night for a child. I still want something of my own space. Let me breathe.

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  • George Smith George Smith
    4 weeks ago

    I remember so well that exact feeling. I did take my baby into bed with me just so that I could sleep. We all must sleep. And only when it was absolutely necessary. This went on for the first three months and after that, once he could sleep through the night, I left him to sleep in his own bed. It took one night of rigid self discipline of hearing him cry and not going to him, knowing he was safe and fed, and after that he slept quietly in his own room - he was four months old. Before that, at your stage, I remember worrying about smothering him too and was as careful as possible. As you're a light sleeper and I'm guessing don't drink or smoke? then it should be okay from time to time simply so that you can get that sleep you so desperately need. I didn't cuddle my baby while sleeping, just had him warm beside me. Also, is he warm enough in his own bed? I think I had my baby too cold because again there are so many warnings saying that the room must not be too hot... I'm sure that kept the poor mite awake as well. Thinking of you. xx

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  • Befalus Befalus
    3 weeks ago

    Thanks, George. He's a warm bod, and with this heat at the moment he is definitely warm enough, possibly slightly too warm! And again being next to us doesn't help with overheating. I'm bringing him back to bed after his 6-7am feed for that tiny bit more sleep. He usually gets it, he goes down after the midnight feed and the 3am feed pretty quickly without too much argument. I've managed to get him used to it whilst the room is pitch black.
    Can't wait until he starts to sleep through! Even just waking for one feed at this moment in time sounds like a luxury. I know he'll eventually grow out of the 3 hourly feeds and I'll have s hit more time on my hands, but I've been doing it for so long now I feel like it's never going to stop ha xx

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