At the end of my energy
He's whinging away on the other room right now. I've retreated because I can't take it anymore. Husband is in there with him, but he doesn't wake up for him. That's up to me, the light sleeper.
His whinges are starting to get distressed but I can't bring myself to go through yet. I'm so worn out. I'm fed up. I'm resentful of both him and my sleeping husband. I'm hoping he disturbs his sleep, as vindictive and nasty as that is.
I pick him up, he falls asleep within my arms in minutes. I put him down, he's getting upset instantaneously. It can't be like this, baby. I can't sleep with you next to me. You're too small, it's not safe. But what do you care about it all. You're upset and know what you want. It's so be close to someone with a heartbeat and warm skin.
I don't want to co sleep when he's big enough. I want to keep my bed for me and my husband. We've spent enough time apart in our relationship as it is without having to separate at night for a child. I still want something of my own space. Let me breathe.