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Day 759

At the end of the journey

Right at the end now and yet the end never ends. Just living, eating, shuffling. The sadness and aloneness are all consuming. I cannot see a way out of this dead end. Help me, please help me. My children are about me distantly. I see them but they are not with me. Even my daughter, she moves about my day but never with me. We glance across each other, she doesn’t dare to look at my face, to see my misery. The darkness is too terrible. I try to smile and make the movements with my lips, but my eyes do not crinkle up in wrinkles. They remain watching and full of tearless grief. I have too much wisdom. I know now that there is no reason, no hope, no love. We are all completely alone here at the end of the world. I stand as though on a cliff just waiting to topple off and fall like all the others before me. I am afraid. How long will I fall, will it hurt, how will I fall? I want to step back from the edge, but I can’t. I look out across the empty space of nothingness.

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