Baby, can you hear me?
I drove right past your place tonight.
Your Nana's place.
I have no idea if you still live there or not.
I only got back home at 5. The sun was rising so I shut my blinds tight, got under my duvet with Chip and slept until 11 today.
I've been moping around because nana had more cancer found yesterday.
First in her breast which she had a huge operation for, then they found more in the other breast, and it's quite a far way in.
Now they've found more on her lip. Skin cancer.
This evil disease took my dear grandad for me - I still cry on his birthday and the date of his death every year - he was my first father figure. He called me princess and made me feel so safe and loved and special. He was taken away from me and now this disease wants to take my nana away from me too.
I know there will come a time where every Wednesday will no longer be about having dinner with her, shooting the breeze about our lives and spending the night playing rummy cub and laughing heartily... But I'm not ready for that.
Not now. Not ever.
I can't stop crying tonight.