About a week ago it started. I felt it and I knew. It's creeping back in. Waking in the dark, the physical and mental exhaustion. The need to avoid others, hide away and become invisible. The tears that I can't hide, the weeping for no reason. The feeling of sadness and emptiness, that numbness that washes over me like a tidal wave. The mental and physical slowness, the inability to make a decision, the irritability, the edge that I now have which is just plain nasty.
And then there is him, always lurking in the background, like a child who won't do as he's told. The overwhelming desire to poke at the almost healed wound. The need to remind that he is there and always will be.
'It was nice to see your face today.' A message arrives at an ungodly hour after we have both finished our shifts. My heart still jumps in my chest when I see him. I don't want that anymore. I want that feeling to stop reminding me of what happened. But at the same time I miss him. I have the feeling that we will always be beautifully unfinished.