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Day 763

Bleak result

Ma got 72 out of 100 in her memory test. To be in the clear she needed a minimum 82. The nurse said it flagged up a problem and she has requested Ma receives an MRI scan of her brain as soon as possible. For me this was as good as saying she has dementia. I think she’s been going in this direction a long time and Beloved says that her condition has got noticeably worse recently.

It is utterly sad. I think she’ll go into a home which is exactly what I never wanted for her. I do see that is the most sensible option. She cannot live independently. We could rent or buy her a flat and have live in carers but then she would be dependent on just one or two people and what happens if she falls out with them. She will have company and routine and stimulation in a home. The best for her would be to stay with us. With carers here life would be manageable, but Beloved says he doesn't want that.

I sit next to my small mother, the mother that protected and loved me, and I feel a traitor.

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