I woke in the night and remembered what I had written here. It kept me awake. I felt so bad. Just wanted to make sure Ma was alive and that I had time to make it up to her. The guilt and shame were terrible. She was alive and thank goodness. I attended to her carefully today. I have got her the earliest possible appointment with a cardiologist, still not until 7pm Thursday next week. But better than the NHS could do which was 8th November. When I asked her how she was this morning she said, ‘half dead.’ She did look that way. I asked if she thought of Dad. She nodded. ‘All the time,’ she said.
I cooked for tomorrow (Beloved's family are coming) and did general chores. Picked up pills from the doctor, picked up food from the shop, put washing in and out, ironed, bought Peachy material for her new comfortable chair for her bedroom. She’s making the cushion covers which impresses me. When she has a home, it is going to be beautiful and cosy. Dear Peachy. Sunny appeared briefly last night before going out, and for a short while today before disappearing again.