Dates and Raisins, Part Two.
So, I've just had a date. An actual date. Nothing special, just a few drinks and getting to know eachother but she said it counts as a date. And now she wants to meet again, soon.
I dont think I want this.
I've been very .... err... closed off... these last few weeks. I've recieved compliments from people and felt disgusted. Like I dont deserve them. I felt horrible, sorry that they felt that towards me. Someone from work said that i was very handsome, and i got angry. I asked her to please never say that again. I felt panicked.
And now tonight. This poor girl wanted to get to know me. And I could help but sit there and think to myself "you're going to be so disappointed in me. Why do you even continue to waste your time here".
I dont know what I want anymore. I want to feel love and compassion and intimacy, yet I reject and feel repulsed by any attempt.
What is wrong with me?!
Help. You know me as much as anyone.