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Day 208

Dear Chris

Today I'm wearing your necklace. I wear it seldomly because I'm scared of it being lost. I'm scared for many reasons these days-most of these fears revolve around you.

I fear of your opinion of me. I fear I may never speak to you again, it grows with each day that passes. I fear for your happiness. I fear for my own without you. I fear for my future, again, and how it may not contain you.

But shouldn't I be past this, by now? Surely...

I suppose it doesn't matter. I don't matter. I'm not a part of your current chapter, I'm just a ###### up chapter back in your pages. They're old tales. I bet they don't tell how much I know I screwed up. I wonder if you ever felt this regretful when you knew had hurt me. I know you said sorry, but did you ever really feel it? Maybe not. I kept letting you back in.

Then I went and spoiled it all by hanging out literally one night with a friend who ended up kissing me. He looked just like you back in college. He was safe. No history, not really. So there's where I ###### up.

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