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Day 212

Dear Chris

I'm nothing. I don't matter. No move I make makes any difference.

That's what the world is teaching me to believe. The world. My family. My lack of actual friends.

Why carry on smiling when nobody cares if I do or not? It doesn't matter. Nobody sees me anyway, not really.

Do you think maybe I'm ultraviolet?

Maybe people don't see me unless they are of a certain mind, a particular way. It's so rare that people look at me and actually take notice, I'm so easy to slip by. I'm so easy to forget. I don't mind it too much-I'm not one to enjoy an immense amount of attention. I like attention from a specific person or finite number of people.

My parents.
A lover.
A best friend.

I have attention from my dad, finally. Who has taken his head that was firmly planted in his ass for many years and revealed it to the sunshine. He's a different person. A better one. We finally have a relationship that fulfills me in needing a parent that listens and understands, or at least tries to... Instead of chalking it up to be mere nonsense and not really paying attention.

But my dad is all I have right now.

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