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Day 243

Dear Grandad,

It's the craziest thing - when I spend my time not thinking about reality and suddenly one night I lose sleep over finally thinking about it all - reality creeps me out.

I've thought about the reality of my situation with people around me right now. I'm leaving. LEAVING. I'm leaving the country sooner rather than later. I know I'm going on my own, one way. One day.

So why cause anything romantic right now? It'll never work. That's the sad reality. It feels like I miss him already and I've not even left, but this is the way life is - I've had to leave a thousand people before to move to a different country with my parents. Thousands of faces, with lives, with dreams, with aspirations... And I left them all. I had to, I had no choice.

I guess I have a choice now, and I'm choosing my happiness. For once. For bloody once, I'm choosing me. I'm not missing my graduation ceremony, I'm not putting my degree on hold, I'm not missing out on meeting up with friends, I'm not missing out on a 'what if' - I'm not doing that like I did before, for another love interest.

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