Doctor found right meds after 30+ years = crying inside
When you realize that most of your life has been dealing with a mental disorder, it doesn't make you immediately happy. It makes me feel super isolated and different. I "appeared" high energy, loving, fun & kind to everyone my entire life. The high energy & fun parts weren't 100% real. They were highly energized, over-exaggerated, knee-jerk reactions to what seemed absolutely impossible to me for years. Not even as a child did think I had any disorder whatsoever. Never once did I think it was me. Until recently, years later, I'm surrounded with people that have admitted I was too much to handle for them. I was too "wild & crazy."
Now I get it. How depressing.