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Day 102

Doctor found right meds after 30+ years = crying inside

When you realize that most of your life has been dealing with a mental disorder, it doesn't make you immediately happy. It makes me feel super isolated and different. I "appeared" high energy, loving, fun & kind to everyone my entire life. The high energy & fun parts weren't 100% real. They were highly energized, over-exaggerated, knee-jerk reactions to what seemed absolutely impossible to me for years. Not even as a child did think I had any disorder whatsoever. Never once did I think it was me. Until recently, years later, I'm surrounded with people that have admitted I was too much to handle for them. I was too "wild & crazy."

Now I get it. How depressing.

Show Comments (4)

  • doingitonmyown doingitonmyown
    8 months ago

    I think the more we put on a show for the sake of others the more we lock ourselves away. It becomes all about them and nothing about ourselves. I'm glad doc has found the right meds for you. Now here's to life and what makes you happy xx

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  • SpreadZero SpreadZero
    8 months ago

    It's extremely sad that's it's been about THEM since I was 7yrs old. Childhood friends, friends, family, college students, co-workers, supervisors all came before me. It's a shame that someone didn't pull me a side years ago and discussed this issue with me.

    It's super sad that both parents didn't realize that both of their sons needed therapy and medication as children. Then again, how? Dad is ignorant mean drunk 'Trumper'. Mother is extremely religious and needs anti-anxiety pills more than I do.

    Isn't it awful that both of my parents are alive and well, and I never want to visit them? I'm approaching 50yrs old, and I can honestly say that I do not enjoy visiting ANY family members except loving sister.

    Advice Rating:

  • doingitonmyown doingitonmyown
    8 months ago

    Unfortunately families are difficult and complicated. I feel the same sometimes. Sometimes I feel resentment but my family have suffered a lot through mental illness. I've read through some of your posts though and you have every right to feel how you do. The thing perhaps to remember is they grew up in a very different time from us. Well your parents at least and attitudes were so different then. We are lucky that we live in a much more civilized if want for a better word era. You may not think it today right enough the world seems to be heading backwards at an alarming rate. And back then mental illness behaviour issues learning difficulties and any other such 'abnormalites' were probably seen as a stain on the family and not discussed or dealt with but rather swept under the carpet.

    Don't feel bad about how you feel towards them. It's only natural. Just take life each day as it comes and do so for you and no-one else. When you do that the only people they hurt is themselves if they continue to hang onto the negativity and if you're not around anyway then the negativity stays with them and not you. XX I do feel for you being over there with all the ignorant Trumpers. It just shows how one man normalising that kind of behaviour and thinking and speaking to and about people the way he does can bring all that shit back to the surface. I'm amazed at the amount of ill-will and fascism rising up globally and it's all down to one piece of crap being given a worldwide platform. Roll on 2020 I just hope your country can recover from the shitstorm he causes on a regular basis. Xx

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  • Bettedavis Bettedavis
    8 months ago

    Stay strong

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