Feeling Like Dirt Again
I've fought anorexia for two years. It was worse when it first started, but has gotten less serious with Honeybun's help. Now, every month or so I will become disgusted with myself and go without breakfast or lunch for a week. I keep it hidden, and it's usually about a week before Honeybun notices and talks me out of it.
I know I'm not overweight. But my stomach isn't flat like our friends, I'm not slender, and my ass is too flat. Every time I tell Honeybun that I feel hideous, he reminds me that he has never cared about appearances, that he loves me for who I am on the inside - that's what counts. But I look at him, and he's so damn handsome and strong without even trying.
I feel so pitiful for getting emotional about him not finding me attractive. He loves me for who I am, not what I look like, and isn't that the dream? He's so respectful, loving, and kind, and his eye never wanders from me, so why do I do this to myself? Why do I cry when he doesn't notice I've put on makeup or dressed up? Over things so small/meaningless?