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Day 23

Fighting Myself

Honeybun got up earlier than me to make me breakfast, but I stopped him and said that I'd pick up something on my way to work. I didn't pick anything up, and he knows it. He texted that he's worried about me - that I need to eat. I'm trying, but whenever I see food I think about how many carbohydrates it is. How many calories it is. How much weight it's going to add. He held me close this morning and told me he loves me before I left, but I want to be better for him. Prettier. Slimmer. I know he loves me, but I want him to be more attracted to me too.

I wish I had the motivation to work out. Maybe I could build a bit of muscle and feel comfortable enough to eat again. But our townhome is too small to exercise in, our town is not safe for someone short and female to be running outside, and I'm not confident enough to go to a gym and be surrounded by others. They're all excuses, but they're stronger than my willpower.

I wish I knew how to stop this and eat more than once a day.

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