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Day 805


Beloved accuses me of gaslighting him, of coercive control. Why? Because I have been trying to explain to him that Owl is depressed. He flatly refuses to acknowledge this, despite the fact that Owl has failed to complete the academic year again, despite the fact that Owl has no friends, has no care for himself, no sense of self worth and is entirely lonely and lost. I tell Beloved that he is not listening to Owl, that he is wilfully not seeing the truth, that he is not trying to understand Owl. Beloved tells me not to criticise him (Beloved), stop trying to undermine him, stop trying to make out that he’s the fool. He punches the air with his finger as he makes each point. I tell him that I am trying to talk about Owl, not him. It is he who is talking about himself and turning it in on himself. This is when he tells me I am gaslighting him, that I am trying to control him. I get up from the table and close the door behind me. I am shocked and disgusted. There is no point in saying anything.

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