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Day 16

Grief

Grieving is hard enough when you just have to do it once. Having to do it again is torture. Everyone fully expected my man to die after the crash. Technically he did die, but they rescusitated him. I was a complete wreck for weeks. Then he started to emerge. He woke up. He started talking. He started waking. He came back. But it’s different. Everything is different. I’m slowly accepting the fact that he will never be the same man he was when I fell in love with him. And our life will never be what it was supposed to be. I’m slowly realizing that I have to let him go.

And now I have to grieve all over again.

  • 52 Readers       8 Comments      

Show Comments (8)

  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    4 weeks ago

    Nothing's worse than grieving once; having to do it a second time is just too much. I'm so sorry for your pain, MIranda.

    Advice Rating:

  • miranda_b miranda_b
    4 weeks ago

    Thank you Rav '

  • Bettedavis Bettedavis
    4 weeks ago

    Will you leave him?
    Sorry it has to be this way

  • miranda_b miranda_b
    3 weeks ago

    I think we’re in the process of leaving each other. He’s pulling away too. And he’s an ocean away right now, his parents took him home with them when he got out of the hospital. He may never recover enough to be able to travel on his own so to see him I have to go to him, and I can’t relocate. Things just don’t look sustainable.

  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    3 weeks ago

    These things happen, Miranda. You remember how Charmante was the "love of my life." But her situation changed: her daughter developed a mental illness, and then Charmante herself started acting like her daughter, taking out the abuse she received on me. These things are heartbreaking, but you'll emerge from it in time.

    Advice Rating:

  • miranda_b miranda_b
    3 weeks ago

    I remember when you met her.
    I know I’ll be ok eventually, I’m just struggling right now. This is the first guy I’ve really trusted with my heart in many years. Sure, I had my dalliances since my divorce... but I had built walls to protect myself and this was the first man to break through, this was the first real love. The accident was a shocking tragedy that changed both our lives, and it will take a while to put the pieces of my heart back together.

  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    3 weeks ago

    I hope you have people to help you reassemble your life. I used to look down on people who see therapists, but I must say, after seeing one regularly (now once per month), I have a lot of respect for the profession. The world is a complicated place, and having someone trained to respond to your feelings is very helpful.....

    Advice Rating:

  • miranda_b miranda_b
    3 weeks ago

    I do have a good therapist. She got me through a lot of bullshit in my past and I started seeing her regularly again after the crash. I also have several good friends (one of whom is actually part of the group that introduced me to my man and knows him well) who are good listeners and sources of support. Even this site is helpful, having a place to digest and write about my experiences is somewhat cathartic. I’ll be ok.

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