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Day 74

He wasn’t real

I had this little epiphany. I realized just what he’s become.

I haven’t heard from him in 3 months. Not a peep. And yet I still wake up and calculate what time it is where he is, I find myself carrying one-sided conversations with him when I’m mentally unoccupied, he’s still a part of my life. For absolutely no reason.

The guy is a douchebag. He lied to me, he cheated on me, he misled me about so much. And he’s got a history of doing the same to other women he claims to care about.

Standing outside looking in I can’t fathom why I still care about this prick at all. I was madly in love with him, yes. But the guy I was in love with probably wasn’t real in the first place, and he’s certainly not the guy who woke up after the crash.

Love has metamorphosed into some pathetic obsession. I don’t think it’s him at all, I think it’s rejection. I picked him. I took a risk and let him in and I’ll be damned if I’m going to lose him. But I don’t want what’s left of him at all. That guy disgusts me.

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