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Day 87

How do you survive a job when you feel this?

When talking to a person triggers your overthinking, making your head hurt from all the calculations of what you should say or do, to not make a fool of yourself, or not be hurt.. to avoid conflicts, or looking stupid...

When simply talking to someone makes it hard to breathe, that you have to clutch something, anything. Just to keep yourself together, gripping your own leg, or arm, the table, anywhere they wouldn't see.. holding on tightly... as the seconds seem like hours... trying to get by a conversation...

When you have to pinch yourself, just to get your mind away from messing up or being rejected.. by a person who doesn't have any idea what you're going through as you smile and keep talking between your teeth as you chant in your head "Keep smiling.. Keep talking.." repeat until it's over.

Online teaching should be the easiest job for me, so why is it sooo difficult to do? There's NO job that doesn't require any social interaction. Office jobs, even home-based jobs require you to speak to people.

What do you do? How can you get over it? :(

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