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Day 82

I killed myself (childhood dream) to be an Architect...

I've spent most of my life being so hard on myself and trying to go faster. "I need to work harder/faster to obtain my goals," repeated in my mind for years like an annoying alarm clock through military, two college degrees and multiple jobs/locations. 20+ years later I'm observing others and the result is frustration that I had to exhaust myself most of my life to keep up with extremely fortunate people that did very little with their lives. But, somehow they always seem to be doing better than me.

When others around me are extremely toxic and life seems depressingly pointless, it's often difficult for me to recover because I'm harder on myself than most people. When I'm reminded (somehow) of what I've accomplished and how many people I've met, loved and enjoyed time with I realize how well I've done.

As I approach 50, I'm realizing while I was "busy" for years others were happily enjoying their lives & relaxing. It hurt me for years watching others leave early on Fridays while I worked all weekend. It made me hate the education and the career. It made me hate many.

But finally, it paid off and I'm happy with my career.

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  • Otter Otter
    6 months ago

    I'm glad to hear that you are finally happy with your career! Sometimes it can be really depressing when we begin to compare our lives to others. Seeing their social media posts of lavish vacations and sparkling homes can be rather draining. They seem to be handed everything in life. Just remember that you got to where you are with hard work and determination. You've earned pride and dignity because of it all, and I'm sure you are much more appreciative of what you have and who you have in your life because of it. You are the architect of your own life (excuse the pun! Haha!) - so keep designing it to be whatever you damn well please. ;) Just remember to take some time for yourself every now and again. Self-care is too often overlooked these days.

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  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    6 months ago

    There's something to be said for sacrifice, just as there is for self-care. It's all about balance: too much sacrifice and you become a martyr, too much self-care, and you become a narcissist. Finding balance is the point of making a life worth living.

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