I killed myself (childhood dream) to be an Architect...
I've spent most of my life being so hard on myself and trying to go faster. "I need to work harder/faster to obtain my goals," repeated in my mind for years like an annoying alarm clock through military, two college degrees and multiple jobs/locations. 20+ years later I'm observing others and the result is frustration that I had to exhaust myself most of my life to keep up with extremely fortunate people that did very little with their lives. But, somehow they always seem to be doing better than me.
When others around me are extremely toxic and life seems depressingly pointless, it's often difficult for me to recover because I'm harder on myself than most people. When I'm reminded (somehow) of what I've accomplished and how many people I've met, loved and enjoyed time with I realize how well I've done.
As I approach 50, I'm realizing while I was "busy" for years others were happily enjoying their lives & relaxing. It hurt me for years watching others leave early on Fridays while I worked all weekend. It made me hate the education and the career. It made me hate many.
But finally, it paid off and I'm happy with my career.