I'm getting sick of the never ending pain...
In the past year, I've dealt with a fractured knee, a broken foot, three kidney stones and prostate cancer. I was a "good sport" through all of them: while my knee and foot were healing, I created "I-lean," my walking stick, creating a kind of humorous response that acknowledged my temporary disability.
Then there were the kidney stones: they were painful and subjected me to all kinds of humiliating situations, but I made the best of it, and now I'm fixing my diet to avoid them in the future.
Then there was the cancer, and I responded by getting a custom made radiation gown, and developed close relationships to the people who treated me, and I showed them my appreciation continuously....
Then there was the post-cancer hormone treatments, and I made my "wrist list" where I counted down each day, which led to my celebratory "dunk" in the cold, wintery waters of Coney Island.
But this nerve pain is challenging my patience and resilience. I have to find some way of pulling some "meaning" or "art" out of it. Right now, it's just 24/7 of relentless, thoughtless and hideous throbbing pain.
I know understand why it drives people to self-medicate, injure and/or even kill themselves.