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Day 500

In which I set a new record for rejections....

Dating is many things: exciting and interesting, full of anticipation. But most of all, dating is about rejection.

I'm pretty used to the last part, and often it's just a "delete and move along," but in the last week, I have to say I may have set some sort of record: in less than 5 days I have been rejected by 3 different women!

What's the most frustrating part of this whole endeavor is that they inevitably involved days or weeks of messaging back and forth, getting to know the person, see if you're on common ground, then arranging for the date (which means setting aside time) and picking up the tab (because women shouldn't have to pay for dating; their lives are expensive enough!)

And each of these dates went pretty well, at least from my perception. The women seemed comfortable, we had lots in common, shared some laughs and insights, and were all at similar stages of life.

But each one comes back after a day or two with the same line: "You're a (nice, interesting, amazing) guy and I really enjoyed myself but I don't think there's chemistry between us...."

We all know that this is coded language for something else.

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  • Bettedavis Bettedavis
    4 weeks ago

    No they are looking for that spark Rav
    Do not take it personally they want passion not friendship

  • miranda_b miranda_b
    4 weeks ago

    I agree. The spark is everything. At my age investing time in someone who doesn’t give me the feels doesn’t interest me. I’d rather be alone that settle for less than overwhelming passion.

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  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    3 weeks ago

    Yeah, but here's the thing: sometimes the longest, most enduring relationships come from not a spark, but a smoldering ember. There's a couple next door to me that has been married for over 40 years. The wife loves to tell me how she wasn't interested in her husband on the first few dates, and eventually she started to see him as a multi-dimensional person, and grew to love him very deeply.

    Advice Rating:

  • miranda_b miranda_b
    3 weeks ago

    Fair point. I have a dear friend I’ve known since college I wish I had married instead of my husband but my attraction to him was less than explosive. I loved him like a brother so I didn’t allow the relationship to develop. In retrospect he would have been a fantastic life partner.
    I’m curious... do any of the women this week know they were one of a herd? Do they know you take a shotgun approach to finding love?

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  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    3 weeks ago

    Hi Miranda - no, they don't, and they're probably doing the same thing... which is why they don't bother with second dates; there's always another one around the corner!

    Advice Rating:

  • I understand your frustration and hardy against rejection or not, sooner or later you're bound to feel it's sting. I'm with you on the fact that not all relationships need to have 'spark' or passion. Beautiful things can grow from the smallest acorn, and you know....more often than not, the passionate connections burn themselves out or see one partner cheating on another, to try and keep that spark alive when it starts to fade.
    I read a quote once about real love being two trees that end up twisting and growing together and i stand by that.
    I'm one of the rare people that wants a 'life companion and best friend' than a red hot lover. In the darkest of times, it's the 'best friends' that stick by your side.

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