I still look at his page on FB. It’s dumb, it usually ends up souring my mood, but for some reason I can’t stay away. I have this irresistible need to have some idea how he is and what’s going on. Usually I end up hurt because my replacement seems to be in every picture now.
But tonight it was different. I look at the last few pics and the changes in him are so obvious. The way he holds himself is different, he slumps now when he used to have this almost cocky swagger, one of his hands is obviously still useless, and his smile which used to be this sexy smirk is now this gaping almost vacant grin.
For the first time tonight I looked at his picture and felt a little wave of relief. I was all set to spend my life taking care of him because I loved him and that’s just what you do. The reality of what that entailed didn’t cross my mind. Loving him wasn’t an option and therefore caring for him wasn’t either.
But I’m a little relived now that it’s not my job. Is that horrible of me?