All I can think is "it is now in the past. All you can do is move forward."
But I find myself stuck. And a voice keeps going "he's cheated."
I can no longer see a wedding. I've given him back the ring - he can give it back to me once he knows he can keep marriage vows. It also gives me time to learn to deal with this. To try and move past this. To try and learn how to live with this big ugly scar that is now going to be forever present.
I am not a forgiving person. This will not be left to lie. I'm going to be picking at it constantly. It's a loose tooth, or a scab. And it is that awful feeling you get of part pain, but also sadistic pleasure that makes me do it.
He cheated. I obviously wasn't good enough. Again, poisonous thoughts that have no place.
The truth is I had no control, and will have no control over it not happening again. And that's the scariest part. I have to trust him to not do it again. And how can I?