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Day 285

Moving forward

All I can think is "it is now in the past. All you can do is move forward."

But I find myself stuck. And a voice keeps going "he's cheated."

I can no longer see a wedding. I've given him back the ring - he can give it back to me once he knows he can keep marriage vows. It also gives me time to learn to deal with this. To try and move past this. To try and learn how to live with this big ugly scar that is now going to be forever present.

I am not a forgiving person. This will not be left to lie. I'm going to be picking at it constantly. It's a loose tooth, or a scab. And it is that awful feeling you get of part pain, but also sadistic pleasure that makes me do it.

He cheated. I obviously wasn't good enough. Again, poisonous thoughts that have no place.

The truth is I had no control, and will have no control over it not happening again. And that's the scariest part. I have to trust him to not do it again. And how can I?

Show Comments (3)

  • Only Me Only Me
    34 months ago

    It is not that you were not good enough. It is that he treated you badly and neglected you - thought only of himself and selfishly took what he wanted. This is not you, it is him. From someone who cheated many times, trust me xx

    Advice Rating:

  • Befalus Befalus
    34 months ago

    Thank you, Only Me, I know it didn't have anything to do with me. It's just so hard to separate myself from it. I have cheated myself before and know how the lies and deceit can be kept up. I'm just so sad it has happened to us xx

    Advice Rating:

  • Only Me Only Me
    34 months ago

    I understand. I was in an abusive relationship and it took years before I realised (and a lot of counselling) it was not me, I was not to blame etc etc xx

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