I’ve been away a while, trying to focus on the now and let go of the past. For the most part it’s going well. The days I spiral into grief are fewer and farther between. The times I peek at his social media are fewer and farther between. I still look, but I think it’s become more habit and curiosity than desire to connect.
I looked today and there’s some new pictures. He looks better and better, more like himself. His stature, his smile is getting better. In one you can see a glint that looks like a ring on his left hand. I doubt it means anything but it still gave me pause.
I did everything right. I loved him completely, I stood by him through the worst event I could imagine, I endured his mother hating me, the distance, the uncertainty. I did everything right and I got dumped and I’m alone. He lied and cheated and betrayed me and he has someone.
I’m not hurting because I want him anymore, I’m way past that. He’s a douche and doesn’t deserve me. But I’m hurting because of the injustice in the whole thing.
I deserve love, he doesn’t.