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Day 501

Nobody has the time to grow a relationship....

I hear all about how relationships require a "spark," but I'm here to say, it's bullshit (and I should know, because I've been through many relationships over the past 15 years and I'm pretty damned sick of them.... and at 59, I'm going to give it up in, say, 20 more years...)

This whole thing about "sparks" is kinda bullshitty and reflects the kind of impatience that has developed, probably part of the internet dating age, where there's another person just a click away. From what I can tell (from my neighbors, who have been married over 40 years), strong relationships come not from "sparks," but from "embers." That is, there is an interest, and that interest grows with time... and I mean intellectually, emotionally, sexually.

But as one date told me, she doesn't have the time to invest in someone who doesn't spark her immediately. Of course, she hasn't had a relationship in over 10 years, because she rarely goes on second dates (and because her dates feel the same way.)

So what happens when nobody takes the risk and tries a second date with someone who doesn't "spark" them immediately? I guess it's an endless number of "first dates."

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  • miranda_b miranda_b
    4 months ago

    In my case my desire for a spark has nothing to do with the internet dating age. I’ve tried internet dating and went on a grand total of three first dates. It’s not that there’s another guy a swipe away...
    It’s that there are no guys that interest me online.
    I think it’s more due to our age and place in life. I’m a single woman in my forties, I own my own home, have a doctorate, and can support myself and my family (including child support to my ex). I don’t “need” a man in my life. I don’t have any desire to spend time cultivating a relationship with someone who doesn’t effect my heart rate. I don’t need a stoic friend/life partner to keep me company anymore. I’ve learned to keep myself company.
    I’ve felt that spark. An unlikely match tumbled into my life out of nowhere and I was lost. I know what that feels like, and I’m not going to settle for less.

    Advice Rating:

  • Bettedavis Bettedavis
    4 months ago

    The dating game , the older you get the wiser you become ... women, independent women who have not much if a need for a Man will take one less than a Man will do
    My idea is Men do need Women more than vice versa...
    My Mother taught me to be strong, independent she said never rely on any Man for anything so I never have...
    What is this spark anyhow ?
    Companionship as we get older seems the better option and if you can settle for that then it's where the question to the answer lies....Surely....

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