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Day 51

Not one friend

So he had his big debut. Lots of pictures and videos posted on social media. Including some of him and a woman I’ve never seen before. Then this morning his mom posted more... him and the woman, smiling, arms around each other, clearly she’s my replacement. Apparently mom (who hated me) likes her.

I don’t know how to feel about it. I know I don’t want him back, but being rejected and quickly replaced hurts anyways.

But here’s the thing.... none of my friends has reached out and asked if I’m ok.
Not one. It’s early, maybe some haven’t seen them yet. But still.
That hurts more than the pics do.

Show Comments (3)

  • SpreadZero SpreadZero
    8 months ago

    Are you ok?

    This is I'm sure extremely difficult to process. I have been rejected most of my life and have experienced more break-ups and heartbreak than anyone deserves to live through. My mother hated my ex-wife; so I don't give a crap about blood family opinion anymore. My Dad has found something seriously wrong with every human I've ever liked. Almost all of my friends are so self-absorbed in their "ME bubbles" that I've simply dedicated all my free time to exercise, artwork and writing for fun. And, when I say exercise, it's once or twice a week going for a walk LOL.

    When I was around 8 years old, all I ever wanted to do was draw, color in coloring books and draw floorplans/designs. Then someone told me to get out and make friends. That's where all the misery started.

    My best friend is ME until the day I die. I'm done. It's wonderful having caring friends that you easily click with, but I'm too exhausted and broke to make anyone happy anymore. I'm focusing on ME, for once.

    Now's a good time for you to have a love affair with yourself too? Seriously, go eat outside at a deli for dinner by yourself. Do some people watching. See a movie by yourself with no interruptions for once. Bring YOUR hobbies to the front seat of your life?

    Best wishes and tons of hugs to you. You've got this xo

    Advice Rating:

  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    8 months ago

    I hope you can get out and make some new friends; these don't sound like very good ones. But you never know; maybe they're just feeling really awkward.... who knows, other people are strange, y'know what I mean?

    Advice Rating:

  • miranda_b miranda_b
    8 months ago

    Thank you Zero... yes, I’m ok.

    I actually had a pretty cathartic session with my therapist just a day or two after the pics were posted and I’ve gotten some perspective on why all this has bothered me so much. It’s more about my deep-seeded feelings of being insignificant and unimportant, less-than in a way, than about reality. The fact that he moved on so quick made me feel unimportant when in reality it’s not about me... it’s about the fact that he can’t stand being alone, and is so desperate for affection and feeling desired, that he’ll jump in with whomever is standing in front of him. I believe he was growing and striving to be a better man before the crash, and that’s the man I fell in love with. The oxygen deprivation hit the reset button and he’s gone back to being the guy who he didn’t want to be anymore before.

    I also made a public gesture, reposting the video of my song and subtly claiming it as mine, and said I wished him every happiness. It was my no-hard-feelings goodbye. I feel freer now.

    I’m going to focus on my kids and enjoy my own company when they’re with their dad. I’m going to enjoy my friends but not expect them to take care of me. I don’t think they really grasped the depth of my feelings so they think this many months after he broke up with me I should be ok, they think because I know I’m better off that it shouldn’t hurt anymore. It just goes to show how rare it is to love someone completely.

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