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Day 163

Old Wounds - Even After Almost 4 Years Together

We talked until 2 am. Much of that time was spent with me holding him tight while he sobbed, opening up about old scars that still hurt.

His dad walked out when Honeybun was young and started a new family elsewhere. His mom mentally checked-out after and left her children to fend for themselves while she lived her "partying" days. Bear moved out asap, leaving Honeybun to care for himself and their little sister. Their mom came to her senses about 10 years later, but the damage was done. Honeybun is a survivalist and isn't used to being cared for. It makes him feel guilty. He thinks he's not good enough for me, and that I'll disappear like his parents.

Before we got together, he'd been in a 10-year-long abusive relationship. She'd destroyed his self-esteem, manipulated him, and made him care for her baby - whom she'd had by another man she was cheating on Honeybun with. Whenever Honeybun "disobeyed" her, she'd hit him, then make him sleep on the couch, floor, or in his car. He thought he deserved it. I know this girl from our middle-school days, and she's pure Evil.

Healing will have to come slowly and with much love.

Show Comments (2)

  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    5 weeks ago

    These things take a very long time to detach from; it also may be at the root of Honeybun's use of alcohol: to deal with those terrible memories. I hope you can find a mental health worker to help him and help you help him.

    Advice Rating:

  • Otter Otter
    5 weeks ago

    Oh yes, he's already said he knows this is why he's so dependent on alcohol and pot. Sometimes the memories just sit in his brain and berate him, and so he turns to alcohol to "drown" them - but the drinking just makes it worse, and he knows it. The pot has helped more, but it's gotten to the point that he's smoking throughout the day - rather than to just relax in the evenings/weekends. He wants to see a therapist that specializes in alcohol and drug addictions, and who also has experience with victims of relationship abuse. He's already got a list of a few promising ones - just have to wait for the insurance to kick in. We think it starts at the end of this week, but he's going to check this evening.

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