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Day 502

Regrets, regrets, they all have regrets....

I remember having a conversation with my late sister a few years before she passed: she had recently kicked a romantic partner out of her apartment after she had discovered he was abusing heavy drugs on the side.

"You know, looking back, "GuyIDivorced" wasn't so bad..."

Indeed, he wasn't a genius, but he had ambition, wanted to have a house and family, and just lead a nice comfortable life. Regret.

A friend of mine has become destitute and is in danger of being thrown out of her apartment. 40 years ago, there was a man who was "crazy" about her, and wanted to marry her. She refused; she reflected wistfully about him: "You know, had I married him, things would have been much different."

Perhaps.

My biggest hope (and I know this is awfully self-serving) is that some of the people who have pushed me away, former colleagues, friends, potential and former lovers, will all live with profound regret. For unlike many others, I bring a lot of resources to the table, and these people who blind themselves to what I offer, in the end, are just missing a good thing, for one reason or another. I know it's all shadenfreude, but it's a concept.

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  • miranda_b miranda_b
    4 months ago

    Interesting you should express this. I’ve been pondering the subject myself, but in the other direction. I was talking to a very nice man when I encountered my musician. Obviously I chose him and left the other behind. I didn’t feel passionate love for him, and my gut reaction to getting together and spending time was to not. I don’t regret letting him go per se, but I deeply regret if I hurt him in the process, and I do recognize the quality of man he is. I’ve pondered reaching out and trying to express that thought but didn’t know how he would receive it and am afraid he’d think I was looking to rekindle. I don’t want to open up old wounds.
    I’ve thought I hope men realize what they gave up when they walked away from me, and I thought he might appreciate knowing I do recognize what I gave up when I walked away from him.

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  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    4 months ago

    and how do you know you didn't feel passionate love for him YET? You know, sometimes these kinds of passions take time to grow. Like a lot of things in life, people give up too soon and later realize they missed out, not only on life partners but also hobbies, friendships and careers. I think we need to develop more mature forms of thought, like "growth mindsets" about our relationships.

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  • miranda_b miranda_b
    4 months ago

    He and I never actually met in person... we encountered each other on a blogging site and got to chatting. He lives about 1500 miles from me but we spoke on the phone regularly for over a year... sometimes for hours. We read books to each other and had deep intimate conversations, he cried with me when my dog died. I had deep affection for him. But when I was planning on traveling to New Orleans for Jazzfest with a group of friends and he proposed meeting me there my gut said no.
    There was plenty of time for passion to grow, but my feelings for him paled in comparison to “the spark.”
    But I do recognize the man he is, how smart, tender, compassionate, devoted, everything he is.

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  • Bettedavis Bettedavis
    4 months ago

    You connected on a different level here Miranda but the heart always leads and always in Life we have 2 paths to take never regret the one you choose it is a Life lesson for many reasons and Rav you are sounding terribly bitter just lately
    Lighten up old man do stay positive forget dating for a while ......move forward .....

  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    4 months ago

    HI Bette - I accept dating for what it is ..... slivers of hope interrupted by dashed expectations. I wish I could write a book about it - I've been on enough dates to fill a few volumes....

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  • miranda_b miranda_b
    4 months ago

    Maybe you should write a book. Half of the work is done right here. Just flesh out some of the experiences and boom... the saga of the single man is complete.

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  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    4 months ago

    Not much of a "saga," just series of some boring, some entertaining dates and where they went wrong (or, occasionally right!)

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