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Day 121

So Much for Date Night...

Honeybun and I haven't been on an actual date in a long time. Money has been tight, and we'd both been busy. So, when a location nearby announced that they'll have a christmas lights event (and tickets are cheap), he and I decided it would be the perfect way to celebrate a Christmas date together - since we won't be able to spend Christmas together this year. We planned the night and have been talking about how excited we are to go walking through all the christmas lights together with hot chocolate. Romantic, right?

Well. Honeybun's mother has just group texted us, asking what we will be doing on that same day. She wants for us all to do something with her and Honeybun's grandma. I politely mentioned that Honeybun and I have already planned Date Night for that night at the event. I made sure to put emphasis on "Date" Night.

"Oh that sounds lovely! Why don't we all go? They have a tram so Grandma doesn't have to walk!"

Well F#%k. So much for the once chance Honeybun and I had for a romantic night out before Christmas. If I decline now, she will take it to heart and be offended...

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  • runcicle runcicle
    8 weeks ago

    Your life is YOUR life: not for other people to organize themselves (and others) into when they wish (selfish) because they've become bored with their own.

    If she is offended then that is her own creation. (But that may be your imagining). If she takes it to heart then - job done. But I doubt it; she'll invade your space again and again, until Honeybun feels thoroughly put into second place, which is what she wants. It's another way of disrespecting your relationship while appearing to be loving and concerned, with Grandma used as an extra heart-rending lever

    The effect of the last few years should not be underestimated nor disregarded. You may not (you probably will not) (most sufferers do not) realise that you both will have PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder).

    Honeybun has spent years regarding himself as the source of your troubles; as a not-OK person, helped by both your parents. He needs to be built up again as the most important person in your life; as an OK person; more important than your parents; more important than his parents, more important even than Grandma.

    It will take a considerable time. Don't let your years of hard work be undermined by others.

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  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    8 weeks ago

    Next time, lie to the bitch. "I have to go see a man about a dog..." is usually the line I use. Then I hang up the phone.

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  • Otter Otter
    7 weeks ago

    I'm trying to be graceful about it all. Honeybun's mom is very sweet, has done a lot for us, and already considers me her daughter-in-law - but she's very naive and not the brightest. Honeybun believes she truly doesn't understand that we were trying to have date night, even though I explicitly stated it. So, we've decided to go along with it for his grandmother's sake and make a different plan for date night. I'm sure we'll still have a lot of fun, but it's frustrating to be back at square one for date night ideas.

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