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Day 114

Sorry to Cause Worry...

I guess my poor eating habits have affected my appearance, yet I haven't noticed anything.

Before I could say "Good morning" to our executive assistant, she was asking if I was ill. If I needed to go to the doctor. I responded that I was a little tired, but would be alright. She offers to pay for me to see a doctor today, because she "knows things are tight right now," and I look like I'm "about to collapse." She's 12 years older than me and has always had motherly/mentor tendencies when it comes to me. She had genuine concern in her eyes, and she pushed a few more times when I kept turning down the offer. Finally she gave up with a sigh, but she's checked up on me several times today.

For lunch I made myself eat a half-sized Subway sandwich and went on a walk to wake myself up. At one point a security guard stopped me. "Miss, are you alright?" Yes, why? "You look like you weren't feeling well." I flash my best smile - "Just a little sleepy, but thank you for checking!"

I feel guilty for lying to everyone, but explaining an eating-disorder would be so embarrassing.

  • 73 Readers       4 Comments      

Show Comments (4)

  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    5 weeks ago

    Oh, Otter, I have soooo many personal experiences with people who I know with eating disorders. I hope you're getting some help; one of my friends joined a weekly support group. She said it was the best thing to help her; it didn't work immediately, but it helped her feel less shame and more optimistic that she would get better in the future. She still struggles, but she is much more comfortable in finding ways to handle it.

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  • runcicle runcicle
    5 weeks ago

    When people want to help - let them.

    Being grateful is such a chore, isn't it! That's what you want to avoid. So you're really being selfish!

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  • Otter Otter
    3 weeks ago

    Thankfully I have no problem with being grateful - it's more like I felt like accepting help would be such an inconvenience to them, and I wanted them to be comfortable. I'd batter myself about it later, thinking they secretly wanted me to decline their help. You're right though, when someone wants to help, I need to learn to accept it.

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  • runcicle runcicle
    3 weeks ago

    If they secretly want you to decline their help then it is your loving duty to accept their help, so that they are enabled to learn to offer only what they truly want to give.

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