The big talk
As she sat in her wheelchair in her bedroom, I spoke to her of staying in the home permanently. She was far kinder and more accepting than I had ever imagined. She understood. She did say she would get better and I agreed, but she was old and her needs would ever increase. She asked what we would do with the room and I said that we would return to B & B. She said that she would pay the B & B money, as she has been doing. I said that wasn’t it. Beloved wanted his privacy back. I told her that I loved her and she told me she loved me. I said that I was more sorry than I could say. She understood. I felt devastated. She was stronger than me. ‘Don’t cry. I’ve been through worse. I’ve been through the war.’ My brave and beautiful mother.
I took her to S Gardens. It felt as though this would be the last time we would go there together. Inside I was falling apart. I pushed her wheelchair and behind my face was streaming with tears. But we had coffee together as though nothing would ever change.