James emailed me today as though nothing had happened. I’m grateful. I don’t want him icing me out.
I went to see Ma this afternoon with Apple and Peachy. Ma would have preferred it if I had been alone but it’s good for them to know where she is. I’ll be seeing her alone all this coming week. As Apple pushed the wheelchair she held my hand with a tight grip.
Tonight she called at seven asking if I could come and see her to say goodnight. She said this afternoon, ‘I didn’t realise you were so close.’ ‘Half an hour by car,’ I said. I wonder if Teddy had said I live very close which explained to her why I see her more than he does. It takes him an hour and a half to get to her.
Peachy is sullen and does not smile these days. To be expected with A levels looming. Apple was tired after his night of partying. Beloved is happy as we’ve been physically closer than we have in months.
Owl is my worry and yet because he is almost 21 I am trusting him to work life out on his own. We talk, muddling through.