The lonely nights
Lying half propped up in bed listening to the little lad gurgle and chatter away and fart. He's lush when he's this complacent but you're not meant to stimulate them through the night otherwise they never understand how to settle by themselves, and it's hard enough getting him down through the day without starting a problem for nights too!
The house is silent, I'm the only being up. I'm going to bed early so that I am able to look after him through the wee hours of the night, moving into morning. And it's so, so lonely. I go to bed when everyone else is gathering in the evening and then in I'm by myself through the dark hours. I'm feeling rather low about it. I resent having to go to bed early, hearing everyone cooing over the baby downstairs whilst I'm trying to slow down my racing mind so I can rest. I'm usually extremely tired, but it's that over tiredness that is so difficult to combat. Started using breathing techniques again to calm myself. And sometimes it still isn't enough.
Need to get an on/off switch installed. It would make things sooo much easier.