I’m in a bad way, but in the depths, not on the surface. On the surface I look normal, but I don’t feel it. I am exhausted. I had to go to bed on Wednesday afternoon and again this afternoon. That’s unusual. I’ve been bloated the last two weeks. Put on 5 pounds in one night and haven’t taken it off. On Tuesday I got my period for the first time since the start of January and it is draining me. I’m really horrible at the moment, to Beloved and Ma most of all. I feel terrible. Talk about guilt. I can’t help telling Beloved what to do in the minutest detail and it is driving him crazy. I don’t know why I do it. And with Ma, I make a fool of her every time I talk to her. She is obsessed with Brexit. I find it boring. I feel inadequate. I ask her questions she can't answer because no one can. Every hour she asks for the news. I just want to say,‘Oh shut up.’ I ask a nasty question or I am dismissive.
And then there is Apple. Yesterday he was in a fight, caught on video.