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Day 103

This is the most relaxed I've ever been in life

Living so many years with PTSD / Bipolar Symptoms and not knowing anything was wrong with me has changed how I feel about many things. I no longer wake up every morning screaming and yelling inside that I'm going to be late. I no longer start sweating on my forehead before leaving the house for work every morning because I try to go faster than humanly possible. I no longer am devastated as early as 6am because I'm aware of a small to normal size work stress later that day. And, I no longer return home from work literally yelling and screaming at how awful my day was, how awful humans are, and how much I want to die.

The meds make me not care about much. I caught myself yesterday morning at work staring at the wall for at least 2 minutes. During my commute when road rage kicks in, I now typically just say to myself, "I don't care. Go ahead and be a dick." In fact, the meds make it possible for me to have NO REACTION to anything or anything someone says.

The peacefulness of "Quiet" in my head is a new experience for me. So peaceful...

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  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    5 weeks ago

    Sounds like you're experiencing life as it should be; relaxed and living "in the along."

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  • SpreadZero SpreadZero
    4 weeks ago

    This is all foreign to me; to be relaxed. My entire life has been mostly filled with extreme anxiety and worry.

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  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    4 weeks ago

    ah, so you can appreciate it more than anybody. Enjoy and endure!

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