TIA and all that follows
Yesterday I spent most of the day in hospital with Ma. She had a TIA, a mini stroke. She is almost fully recovered now, although her speech is more slurred and her mobility is worse.
I am full of dread, horror, sorrow. I see the future in today. I am not able to got out. I am alone in the house with my sleeping mother, waiting for her to wake. The audio book burbles beside her.
I realise I must help her dressing and undressing, as she has been asking me for a long time, not directly but suggestively. I have not wanted to do this. I still don’t. But talking to Beloved last night he made it clear to me that I should. If I help her it takes 5 minutes. If I don’t it could take her almost an hour. He didn't say I should but it makes me know I should help her. I did know this before but have resisted so far.
This morning she told me to come in. She had on only her bra, otherwise she was naked. I have never seen her like this before. It makes me want to be sick and cry.