What the hell is wrong with me?
So, for some time I’ve been giving thought to if I should have a child. I’m 36 and after my divorce 3 years ago I thought I’d never have the option. And then I met D and he’s lovely and sensible and caring and funny and would make a great dad. The problem is I don’t know if I want a child. I have no maternal yearnings but worry that in years to come I’ll suddently become broody and regret not having one. Everyone is having babies atm, friends and even D’s sister is pregnant. I can’t bear the thought of being around pregnant women because I think ‘that should be me’ but at the same time I don’t want my life to change. I can’t make a decision either way. D has said that if we don’t it’s not a problem because he loves me regardless. But at my age people ask, and I don’t have the answer. I know that part of it is shame. I have no marriage. No children. I feel like I’ve achieved nothing with my life. I was hoping one day I’d just wake up and I’d know. But I don’t.