"Scarred for Life"
I'm still waiting to begin therapy, but the VA appointment was over a month out. I've had therapy in the past with non-VA, and it was a unimaginable nightmare. The drugs they put me on made me extremely suicidal.
I'm feeling a little excited, but I'm also quite frightened. Clearly, I've had some traumatic emotional childhood, military, college and work/life experiences that have destroyed my ability to enjoy life with others. I could quite possibly have a case of extreme PTSD combined with ADD/ADHD combined with some childhood emotional abuse and some physically violent family episodes.
Between my older brother and father alone, as a child I wanted to run away, always. I hated my parents. I loathed my brother who constantly wanted to harm me; he almost strangled me to death when I was around 13-14 years old. My childhood consisted of constantly avoiding my brother. Most days as a child, I locked my bedroom door, crawled out the window, and would walk through the woods until nobody could find me so that I wasn't near my hating ignorant brother. Sometimes I would walk to a friend's house, but most times I would sit there staring... hating life.