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Day 452

Can a relationship be started by her therapist?

So I went out on a date on New Year's with a very attractive woman. It turns out we have a lot in common: we both are active in religious organizations (even though I'm 99.99% atheist), we both work with kids, and we live not too far from one another. So we got together, had a coffee and a bagel, but somehow I knew she wasn't interested. I went home, despondent.

But she texted me the next day asking about something, and I mentioned that I looked forward to seeing her again, and she replied, "Look, we're adults, so to tell you the truth, I'm just not feeling it..." So I was okay, my hunch was correct and deleted her number from my phone.

Tonight she texts me: "Can we talk?" I figure she just wants to explain and make herself feel better, so I indulged her. Turns out her therapist encouraged her to see me again, because although she didn't feel it at first, she might after she had some time to get to know me. So, just like that, we're going out again on Saturday night....

Whatever she's paying that therapist, he's worth it!

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  • SpreadZero SpreadZero
    7 months ago

    Be careful. Her therapy isn't your responsibility. If on the 3rd or 4th date the word therapy continues itself within conversations, you may want to note as a red flag.

    On the other hand, many of us Merikans are either in therapy or seeking it. So, why not give it a chance.

    Just be careful.

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  • miranda_b miranda_b
    7 months ago

    Don’t hope for too much. If there wasn’t a spark there wasn’t a spark. You shouldn’t have to try and fall for someone. They either blow your skirt up or they don’t.

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  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    7 months ago

    SpreadZero: I know all about therapy and therapists because I've been going to one for the past 15 years, and, if the person is good, they're like any other professional: they listen, they don't judge, and they are trained to help you break free of past patterns and try something new. That was the advice her therapist gave her: sure, maybe you're not feeling it initially, but why not give it some time and see? And, if after a bunch of dates it still doesn't feel right, we're both adults and prepared to not continue that. It's a very adult perspective.....

    Miranda: Yeah, well, I've been thinking the same thing, but you want to know something, where has that all gotten us? I'm 59 and she's 53; maybe we've got to transcend our 16 year old selves and try to look past the surface and see what's durable and supportive, instead of what blows our respective skirts up.

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