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Day 83

I wanna curl up with a suicide pill

What a shitty weekend. What a shitty world. I'm not sure I can take much more.

Hide Comments (10)

  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    6 months ago

    This is a good place to share your despair; if you share more, it may not fix those things, but it may rebuild your spirit.

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  • SpreadZero SpreadZero
    6 months ago

    Agree. I'm feeling like I no longer have a true support group of family or friends anymore. I'm essentially exhausted with humans. Family is not supportive at all; complete redneck Trumpers. So, when I turn to friends, it's such self-involvement it makes my stomach curl. Our political and economic indicators are about to cause WWIII. Everything's too expensive; everything. Can't afford FUN.

    It's just work, bills, sleep. No television because it's toxic. Pretty soon I'll just sleep at my desk at work to avoid life.

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  • SpreadZero SpreadZero
    6 months ago

    Maybe this is what everyone else is feeling too?

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  • Miss Pickles Miss Pickles
    6 months ago

    My granny just smiles and pats my head when I moan about life.

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  • SpreadZero SpreadZero
    6 months ago

    Never met my grandfathers. Both Grandmothers passed away before I was 21. All I have is a Dad & Brother (Both ignorant Trumpers), an extremely gullible religious mother (anti-lgbtq), and a sister (whom I love dearly). Most blood family has been 2000 miles away since I joined the Navy in 1988.

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  • Bettedavis Bettedavis
    6 months ago

    Oh so you have a dysfunctional family
    We do not have to spend time with people that suck the life from us
    You get to choose who to spend your time with, surround yourself with Positivity, smile, excersize, eat healthy, love yourself, enjoy your own company, not everything you do in life needs to involve money, happiness is not spending, look around yourself and see what would Please YOU......step outside the box.....

  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    6 months ago

    I agree with Bette - my family (both parents and both sisters) have passed away; I find a lot of joy in my children, I've developed a close knit group of friends and I joined a very progressive religious organization (even though I'm a complete atheist, and they know it and endorse it themselves.) Start small by making one new friend; you should also find a therapist and start talking, which I've been doing for over a decade. You may also want to consult a psychiatrist and see if you need some meds....

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  • SpreadZero SpreadZero
    6 months ago

    Bettedavis and RavDiablo, your comments were extremely helpful for me. It's been a rough life. I was taught so much worry and anxiety; so difficult to control. The military made it much worse with "hurry up and wait" syndrome taking over my life. If I'm not 30 minutes early to everything I do, I'm filled with anxiety. I can't control it. Desert Storm as well.

    I'm still having lost memories pop up from nowhere sometimes. For decades I was stumped why I couldn't remember much my past from 7 years old to around 9 years old. Well, that's because I remembered (this last year) when I was 7 years old, the entire family watching the TV News in 1977 saying, "They should line up all those fags and shoot 'em dead."

    7 years old. Entire family said "I" should be dead.

    I don't think I ever recovered from that...

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  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    6 months ago

    I'm not a therapist, but you're definitely suffering from PTSD. I know it's hard to find good treatment, but find some resources. After my sister committed suicide, I joined a survivor's group where I met a wonderful group of people who helped guide me through this difficult time. I realized I didn't have to go through this alone, understood that my issues were not different from other people, and even when things were really bad, I knew I had someone to talk to and help me through it. I made some really excellent friends, whom I still love over a decade later.

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  • SpreadZero SpreadZero
    6 months ago

    I can't wait to make some EXCELLENT friends. I've never been more disappointed with humanity. The whole "ignore your surroundings" now includes people for me. I even avoid making eye contact with ALL strangers. I prefer to stay home and be alone because it's too stressful and toxic to deal with others. I know. Sad.

    You are absolutely correct, though. My first appointment is next Wed.

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