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Day 627

Teenage sons

I’m far too sad and tearful today. Probably perimenopause.

I am glad that Owl and Sunny do not live with us full time. It doesn’t work any more. They hate being here. There’s too much anger, too much need for them to do their own thing. It’s fine and right, I’m sure. They are happy with what they are doing.

Apple was a monster today. I think he didn’t sleep much last night and goodness knows if he smoked and took drugs and drank. I have no idea. I’m guessing he did something to turn him into the nasty person he was today. This evening he came down with his pen knife, the blade out casually in his hand. He’s a menacing presence, full of hatred, anger, frustration, hunger, boredom and the need to break free. We can’t wait until he can. It is upsetting. He’s cruel the way he tells us he hates us, he hates this home. The fact is he has his mocks in a week and he doesn’t want to do any work. He hasn’t done any for the last 15 years apparently. Beloved has been a saint helping him with his studies. I couldn't do it.

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