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Day 83

Healing

So many times I’ll have a session with my therapist that will be mostly chit chat, catching her up, nothing major. Then in the last 5 or 10 minutes something will come up and it will be huge and I’ll be in tears.

Today it was the realization of what emotion I’m stuck on.

Guilt.

The last thing I said to him before the crash haunts me. He was complaining about being tired of driving and I suggested letting one of the other guys drive so he could get some sleep. A couple hours later he was stretched out asleep in the back of the truck and the guy driving fell asleep and they rolled. I know it’s not my fault but I still feel guilty.

There is also the first time I went to the hospital. The doctors all said he would never function again, the words “persistent vegetative state” got thrown around. When I had to leave the family gave me some time alone with him and I told him what they said and that if he didn’t want to continue like that it was ok to let go.

I feel horrible guilt for giving up on him.

Hide Comments (1)

  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    5 months ago

    That's the beauty of therapy, isn't it Miranda? I regularly have the same experience with my therapist; it's funny how we build up to these realizations, then the breakthrough comes. Please be gentle with yourself; we are not responsible for what Rilke calls "the offerings of chance."

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