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Day 691

Fear

I've just sent the email below to my brother. I am very afraid of how he is going to respond. I'm not sure of myself at all on this ground. I don't dare to challenge my brothers and ask for them to help more. I know Teddy does a full time and demanding job, so it means he's seen Ma for one long weekend and one lunch since the start of the year.

Hi Teddy,
I find it sad and disappointing that you can't take even one day off work to be with Ma, outside the normal weekend allowance. I think she deserves better than this.

James is now going to work part time but he's not offering to help out more.

Do I need help? I'm being selfish. Ma doesn't care. In fact, she'd rather just stay here and be looked after by me.

I feel so sad. Have done for a while. If I sit long enough tears spill out of my eyes. I wish I didn't feel like this. I feel so sorry for her and for me. It is pathetic. Pull myself together. I know I'm lucky in every other way.

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