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Day 265

I'm trying to understand

I really wonder sometimes why people have loved me.

I don't understand what there is about me for people to have loved. Nowadays, I could understand, maybe, because I'm healthy now. I'm seriously not fighting depression every day - my medication has fixed whatever imbalance I had, chemical or otherwise.

I'm better now. I'm full of life and adventure and energy and enthusiasm. But those who hang onto the idea of me when they only knew me when I was sick? I don't understand what they loved.

I would cry. A lot. I'd cry myself to sleep. I'd have explosive, intense emotions, completely take even me by surprise. I was hysteric some days, manic others. I was terrified and confused and anxious of what exactly was so wrong with me.

What was there to love? Someone still trying to see the good when she felt so dark inside? I really don't have a clue - I look back at who I was and I'm grateful to be who I am now. I'm the 'me' I've always wanted to be. I'm healthy and happy and I guess I can be loved now.

P.s.I'm happy you're writing now. I can't wait to read your work one day.Nwoo

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