No More Birthdays
I'm going to be turning 60 this fall, and of course I've spread it around that I'm going to do something big and fun for my family and friends to celebrate the occasion.
My heart is not in it. In fact, my heart is not into celebrating any more birthdays at all.
I'm not afraid of aging; it's done pretty well by me. I'm nearly in perfect health: for the first time in 25 years, I'm completely clear of kidney stones. Okay, I have to do some radiation to get rid of the prostate cancer, but at a success rate of 98%, I really can't get all pessimistic.
I'm still done with birthdays. So many people think, "look, I'm this or this age, isn't that great?" Yeah, you lived another year, big fcukin' deal.
I have outlived every member of my family: both parents, my two sisters, even a granddaughter who died in infancy. I'm not ashamed of it, but I take no great pride that I've avoided the alternative.
There's no point to celebrating birthdays for me anymore. I made it this far, I've celebrated enough. The less I think about it, the more content I'll be. Really, big fcukin' deal.....