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Day 282

I have no idea what I'm doing

I've become very quick to love time to myself actually. I couldn't breathe previously, always being forced into agree to things he'd say, it was suffocating sometimes.

I have so much to write in my journal, so many thoughts to put down, but I can't. The book feels completely tainted now. Ruined.

Today I had a close friend take me to this secret horse field you're not really meant to be in or allowed in, but he showed me anyhow. It was magic. The horses, Chris, they were everywhere and they were beautiful. I wanted to feed them a carrot so badly! I need time under a tree, talking about sweet nothingness with someone I trust, horses by me and the sun peeking through the leaves above me. That's my therapy.

But I do wish I could go out on the water, I would love to paddle board. And just be out at sea in the sun too.

I'm glad you're feeling good about life and enjoying yourself. I hope you and your friend have fun.


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