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Day 115


As cliche as it sounds - I got a haircut and started to feel much better. My hair had gotten so long and damaged, and having it all cut away felt like the long, tattered locks falling to the floor were also my self-depreciating thoughts. It's just below my jawline now and very edgy - much more my style. It also helped just chatting with my stylist, a kindred-spirit who is always happy to put a glass of red wine in my hand and listen. She reminded me that only I get to decide who I am, and what I show on the outside ("Not just hair. Also attitude!") will affect what I think about myself as well.

I have to stop being a martyr for everyone else's comfort/ease and put myself first sometimes... I won't say I'm cured, and I won't say those thoughts won't come back, but I am learning.

I started with financing a new mattress! I'd been making myself wait "until after Christmas/Birthdays/More Important Things," but my previous mattress was a 20+ years-old SleepNumber Air Bed HELL that belonged to my grandfather... Now I have a new TempurPedic, and WOW! I slept better than I have in years!

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  • RavDiablo RavDiablo
    3 months ago

    This really cheered me up; we all deny ourselves things that we know are essential to our productivity, comfort and even our health. I felt the same way when I bought a new refrigerator about a year ago - it has transformed my life. Blessings to the everyday things which we take for granted, while transforming our lives. Have a good rest.

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  • Otter Otter
    3 months ago

    Thanks, Rav! Things had gotten really dark for me after my previous post. I was depriving myself of everything I could so that I could make things "easier" for everyone else. Then I realized I was making things harder for Honeybun, since he had to watch me starve myself. He was the one who convinced me to "go get a damn haircut. Do something for you to feel like a person again." And I do. I feel like a person again.

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