I kind of finally figured out what's wrong with me
Before I talk about sad things, I wanted to say that I am really surprised by the way Pencourage works. It's really great to receive support messages / to be able to support people when they need it. I'm still learning how things work, but it's pretty cool not to have to pretend everything is perfect all the time.
Anyway, I have some not so cool things to say. It's been a few years since I've been feeling bad most of the time, years in which I enter and escape successively from dark places in my head. It was an oscillation I was already used to living.
But this semester, things got more complicated, they got out of control and they ###### me for real. With all this, I decided (FINALLY!) to get help. And now? I can't say that I feel better because I was diagnosed (that word scares me so much) with bipolar disorder.
And what scares me the most? It is a chronic disorder. I can and will seek treatment, take medicine, and whatever. It's a big scary thing, and I'm not sure how to handle it. To assume this is like accepting that my personality and subjectivity were controlled