Finally, I am deleting you
I have so much time on my hands,Luke suggested I go through my Google photos; when it shows me a memory, often it'll have Chris in it.
So I'm going through the photos and deleting them. It's the strangest thing but, it's hard. Some memories look happy, and they're over, way over, and yet it feels as if deleting the photo will delete the memory.
Like, most of what Chris and I was such a heart-aching sh-t show, so seeing a smile on both of our faces is kind of nice.
On the other hand, sometimes I look at Chris's smile and I wonder if it was even for me. I wonder what he was thinking, 'Heh, she has no idea about me asking for boob photos from the girl I work with so I can see her nipple piercings'
'She has no idea about jess LOL'
'Man, I am getting laid left and right and nobody's the wiser'
'I bet she'd flip if she knew how much my little cousin hooks me up with girls'
'Hah, she'll never find out about the hot tub thing Owen fixed up'
'I could totally do this forever'
I'm crying as I type this. I wish I'd protected my heart better.