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Day 533

4 days to go

I've always questioned my own feelings.
Do I love him? Really?
Is this love that I'm feeling or is it just a morbid curiosity with the unknown, always seeking that next thrill?

But then days like today, bouncing from happy and excited to pure unadultered and agonising anxiety and panic attacks; I realise - yes. I do.

You can't not love someone and be this anxious about seeing them.
You can't not love someone and be so panicky over a nightmare in which they told you not to bother coming.
You can't not love someone and find your heartbeat increasing twofold when you see their picture on your phone, calling you.

And so,
with 4 days to go, I realise that this really is love. This really is happening.

Yes, I am scared. I've never done this before, flying out to meet someone new. The last time I met someone from abroad, they came here.

I think I need to try and find a way to stop questioning myself.
Otherwise, I may not make it to Monday in one piece, mentally.

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